Whale Song
by Porthos1013
Summary: McKay gets another visit from Sam in the infirmary, but this time it’s a little…different. McKayWhale. Seriously. CH 8 NOW UP!
1. Midnight in the Infirmary

Author: Porthos

Summary: McKay gets another visit from Sam in the infirmary, but this time it's a little…different. McKay/Whale. Seriously.

Author's notes: In the grand tradition of Sam/Thor and Beckett/Chair, I give you: McKay/Whale!

Okay, so I've repeatedly said that I'll pair McKay with just about anyone except a Wraith (and that's even looking tempting after hearing about the episode "Michael") so this is just a bit of weirdness on my part. Not beta'd, so if you've read any of my other stuff you can tell how much betas improve my writing from what I start with. :D

oOo

Rodney McKay was tired. Exhausted. Worn out. Drained of energy. On the verge of hypoglycemic fatigue.

So why couldn't he sleep?

It might have had something to do with the rhythmic snoring from the bed next to him. John Sheppard had doggedly refused to leave the infirmary, instead taking up residence in the bed right next to Rodney's. With his stolen pudding cup, no less! Well, at least Rodney's migraine had subsided. Thinking back, McKay realized that his headache had abated at roughly the same time that Sheppard had settled himself in and fallen asleep, although that might have also had something to do with the timely administration of Carson's magic painkillers.

Casting one last glance at Sheppard, (which quickly turned into a scowl after a particularly loud snore,) McKay shut his eyes with every intention of falling asleep. After only a few short moments, however, he felt the side of his bed shift under the weight of someone sitting on it. He cracked open his eyes, expecting to find a nurse there to check his head wound, but his eyes popped open in shock at what he actually saw.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded.

Sam looked thoughtful for a moment, as if considering the question, before blatantly ignoring it. "How are you doing, McKay?" She asked it a little too brightly, in his opinion.

Confused by the reoccurrence of what McKay had considered a one-time-only slightly-insane hallucination, he decided to avoid the obvious implications this had on his mental stability and just go with it. "Oh, tired, achy…a little hungry," he answered. "And you?"

She smiled. "About the same."

"Yes, of course you are," McKay rolled his eyes. "If you're my subconscious, it makes sense you'd feel the same as me. Not that you—" McKay saw Sam wince, and stopped short. "What?" he asked.

"That's, uh…that's what I came to talk to you about Rodney. I'm not actually a manifestation of your mind."

And his headache was back. "What?"

"I said, I'm not actually a manifestation of—"

McKay held up his hand to stop her. "Yes, thank you very much for the instant replay," he rolled his eyes. "And I'll admit that 'What?' was probably a far too general question for any hallucination or… whatever it is that you are," he waved his hands at her vaguely, "to answer sufficiently, so let's try again, shall we? What do you mean, you're not a manifestation? You can't possibly be the real Samantha Carter."

Her answer was simple and direct. "I'm not."

When she failed to elaborate, McKay lost his (admittedly limited) patience. "Listen, I'm tired, I'm freezing, and my head is killing me," he snapped. "I'm in no mood for your mind games, so I'm going to sleep now, and when I wake up I hope I'll never see you again!" To prove his point, he angrily flopped back on his bed and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Listen, Rodney—" Sam began, but was silenced by McKay's theatrical snoring.

Sam let out a frustrated breath. "McKay, you obviously _do_ need the instant replay, because you're clearly not getting it. I said, I'm not a manifestation of YOUR mind!"

McKay's snoring immediately stopped, and one eye popped open to glare peevishly at her. "That's impossible. There wasn't anyone else down there besides me…" he pondered a moment "…and the whale…" Her crossed arms and raised eyebrow were enough to confirm his suspicions. He sat bolt upright in bed and nearly shouted, "You were created by Lassie?"

A snort from Sheppard caused both Sam and Rodney's heads to snap in his direction. After a few seconds of listening to his even breathing, they both seemed convinced that he wouldn't wake up, and McKay said in a stage whisper, "How is that even possible? I mean, it's a _whale_."

"Alien whale," she corrected.

"Fine. _Alien_ whale," he conceded with another eye roll. "The point is, it's preposterous!"

"Why? You've been to dozens of worlds, seen things that are so bizarre they wouldn't even make it into the trashiest tabloids, and the thought of an intelligent whale tips your weird scale?"

McKay looked thoughtful for a moment. "Well, when you put it like _that_…"

McKay felt the bed shift under her weight as she leaned in close, speaking in an earnest tone. "Rodney, just hear me out. I'm not just a manifestation, I'm real. As real as you or Sheppard." She pointed to the sleeping Colonel. "If he were to wake up, he would be able to see and hear me just as well as you can now. The only difference is that I can be manifested or disappear with a single thought."

McKay pressed gingerly on the bandage on his forehead, cringing slightly. "But why? I mean, if the whales are as powerful and intelligent as you say they are, why don't they just 'manifest' a way to get rid of the Wraith, or…do whatever it is whales want to do?"

"It doesn't work that way." She gave a light shrug. "Thousands of years ago, when the Ancients lived here, they used to coexist peacefully and even interact with the whales of this planet. The way they communicated was through the whales' ability to manifest its mind in the same form as whatever entity it wants to communicate with."

She waited a moment as the implications of what she had said sunk through McKay's groggy thoughts. "Wait, you're the—"

Sam jumped in before he could finish. "Sorry about bumping your Puddle Jumper. I was just curious, I didn't really mean to scare you." Her smile was teasing, if a little condescending. Frankly, it creeped McKay out, so he scooted back in his infirmary bed as far as he could go. "Geez, McKay!" Sam-the-Whale threw her hands up in frustration. "I'm not going to eat you! Unless you decide to go jump off the nearest pier and transform yourself into algae, you're safe from me."

McKay stopped his semi-frantic scrambling to look at her face with an unreadable expression. "You have no idea how weird it is to hear Sam say that."

"Yeah, about that…"

"No no no, let me guess…You read my mind, found the one person that I would feel the most comfortable being enclosed in a small space with, and took her form," he finished proudly.

"Got it in one," she winked.

McKay smiled slightly, then frowned at his next thought. "Well, that answers why you knew so much about me. You shouldn't go poking around in people's heads without permission!" he grumbled. "I feel violated."

Sam scrunched her nose and said, "Sorry." She made it quite clear that she was in no way apologetic. "You know, you've got an interesting imagination. That fantasy about you and me on the bridge of the Enterprise…" she let out a low whistle.

McKay turned positively scarlet, and his blood pressure skyrocketed in a way that he knew couldn't be healthy with his head wound. "Hey! That's private!" Her laughter just infuriated him more. Angrily, he spat, "Why did you have to manifest yourself to me? Why didn't you just leave me alone?"

Once her giggles subsided, she said, "You asked me for help." She said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, like it had never even occurred to her to simply swim on by. Remembering his words in the jumper, McKay was overcome with gratitude, both to her and to his need to run his mouth during stressful situations. He wanted to say he appreciated what she'd done. By keeping him company she had given him focus and taken his mind off of his impending doom. And if he hadn't been rescued, she would have made sure he didn't die alone. A lump formed in his throat and he wanted to speak, but he couldn't find the words. She touched his arm gently, a knowing smile on her face. "You're welcome," she said. He could only nod mutely.

After a few moments of companionable silence, Sam's mood changed. She stood and walked to the end of the bed, and her voice became strained. "Listen, McKay, there's a reason I came back here tonight. I needed to say goodbye. There's a chance you may never see me again."

McKay didn't like the way his stomach lurched at her words. "What? Why?"

She smiled sadly. "There's not too many of us left. I'm on my way to meet the others, to discuss the commotion you and your people have brought with you. We're going to decide if we should reveal our existence to you. If we end up deciding against it, I can't risk the wrath of the others by breaking our covenant." She gave him a half smile. "No matter how much I might like you," she teased.

Rodney thought about her words for a second, before deciding it was one of the stupidest things he'd ever heard. "Surely, you can't be serious. If you're as intelligent as you say you are, then you know the only logical thing to do is to work together. Think of the benefits!"

"Think of the risks! Rodney, we've kept our existence a secret from the Wraith for thousands of years. Revealing our existence to your people could change all that."

"We don't even know if the Wraith can feed off of alien whales!"

"And we don't want to find out!" They glared at each other mutely for a few seconds, before Rodney looked away and crossed his arms. Sam sighed, then said, "Anyway, it's not my choice. You'll keep our existence a secret, won't you Rodney?"

When he stubbornly refused to come out of his pout, she took his hand and squeezed it. He looked into her pleading blue eyes, and all he could think about at that moment was how much she looked like the real Samantha Carter, and he was never able to refuse her when she looked at him like that. "Fine," he acquiesced.

She smiled at him then, not the brilliant smile he remembered from his time at the SGC, but a bit sadder. "Goodbye, Rodney. I'll miss you." She leaned over and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, and before he could stop himself he had her face in his hands. He kissed her like he had in the jumper, with passion and tenderness, knowing in his heart he would never get to kiss Sam like this ever again, real or imagined. It only lasted a few seconds, then Rodney found he was holding air, and opened his eyes to find no one in the room besides himself and John, snoring softly in the next bed. But if he listened carefully, he thought he could hear the sad, slow notes of whale song quietly in the distance.

oOo

Author's notes (2): Wow, that ended up somewhere totally different than I thought it would. Anyway, I was thinking about this while watching GUP, because that whale was awfully helpful in getting Rodney rescued, (like he asked!) and Carter didn't show up until after the whale did, so I'm thinking this whale was smarter than we were led to believe. Lassie really did help them find Timmy down the well:)


	2. The Prodigal Whale Returns

Author: Porthos

Author's notes: Okay, originally I had no plans to continue this fic, but then the reviewers had to go and sic the bunnies on me again, so here we go…

oOo

It had been several months since Rodney's impromptu excursion to the bottom of the ocean, and by extent, his visit from a rather odd companion. Rodney still wasn't entirely sure whether Sam was really a mental manifestation of an alien whale, or just a wishful fantasy cooked up by his overstressed and under-oxygenated brain. He knew that "Sam" had said she wouldn't return, but sometimes he would catch a flash of blonde and pink in the corner of his eye, then turn his head only to find empty space. The first time it had happened, he could have sworn he saw her turn a corner just down the hall, and he ran after her, calling out her name. Of course, as soon as he turned the corner, all he found was a very confused and slightly frightened lab tech named Brian. He hadn't made _that_ mistake again.

He even considered going to see Kate, but that thought hadn't lasted long. "Yes, Dr. Heightmeyer, I recently met an alien whale that can manifest her mind in the form of a woman I worship as a blond sex-goddess, she saved my life, helped me sort out some personal problems, then promptly left to go hold the 'Council of Whale-rond,' but now I still get visions of her around Atlantis." Right. She would have him locked up faster than Rodney could disprove Stephen Hawking's superstring theory—which McKay could do quite quickly. When he last timed himself he got 42.13 seconds, exactly.

But, after a while, the visions stopped, and Rodney chalked the whole thing up to post-traumatic distress syndrome. Confident in his self-diagnosis, he continued with his work, making ground-breaking discoveries on nearly a daily basis, and saving the day on several separate occasions. Okay, well, maybe Radek and Sheppard had helped a bit on that last part, but the ground-breaking discoveries were all his. Mostly.

Rodney was currently working on just such a discovery, some sort of sonic weapon from PX6-3F2, when Radek asked to take an early lunch. "Yes, fine, fine," Rodney answered distractedly. "Go meet your mystery girlfriend. It's not like you're helping me out here, anyway."

Radek's lips pursed before he retorted, "I can't help you when you won't let me touch any of your precious equipment. And for last time, I have no girlfriend, mystery or otherwise!"

"Then tell that to Cadman, please, so she can stop filling me in on the latest gossip from the rumor mill. Why does she even think I care?"

"Is a valid question, Rodney. Why does anyone think you care?" Radek spat unenthusiastically as he exited the lab.

"Hey!" Rodney called after Zelenka, and saw his fuzzy head pop back through the doorway wearing a look of ultimate exasperation. "I'll have you know that I take the care and well-being of the scientists in my lab very seriously!"

Radek simply rolled his eyes. "Yes, yes, you are good and benevolent lord of your domain. Can I go now?" He pointed impatiently towards the door.

Rodney simply waved him away with half-hearted disgust. "Fine, don't tell me who she is. I'm sure I'll hear about it as soon as Cadman figures it out."

Radek left the lab with a mumbled thanks and was off to the mess hall faster than Rodney thought Chef Olaf's "steak surprise" really warranted. Grumbling a bit about "lazy Czechs," Rodney got to work on the rather delicate wiring of the weapon, talking to himself as was his habit when working alone. "Let's see, the main power conduit is fried, so I'll just have to bypass the voltage failsafe and reroute power through the internal capacitor." He began connecting his equipment, and was about to make the final link when he heard a voice from behind him.

"I wouldn't do that if I—"

A bolt of electricity passed from the device into McKay, and he dropped it with a yelp that he firmly told himself sounded nothing like a girly scream. Whirling to face whoever had startled him, he got a shock of a completely different kind. "Sam?"

She was smiling at him, dressed in a pink lacy tank top and cut off Daisy Duke shorts which showed a _lot_ of leg. "And here I thought you weren't good with names," she quipped.

McKay closed his eyes, silently counted to ten, then opened them again. "Nope, still here," she said brightly.

"N-no…You're not real. You're just a hallucination," he emphatically told her. After a moment of perusal, he added, "You may be a slightly better dressed hallucination, but you're still not really here! I was electrocuted, now I'm unconscious, and you're—"

Sam glanced down at herself, then back at Rodney. "I knew you'd like the outfit."

Rodney sank into his chair and put his head in his hands. "Oh, this is turning out to be a very, very bad day."

"You're telling me," Sam acknowledged.

McKay looked up at her, bewildered. "Excuse me?"

Sam became serious and sat in the chair across from him. "Rodney, I don't have much time. I need your help."

McKay immediately shot up out of the chair. "Oh, no no no no. My hallucinations do not just show up and demand help without an explanation. Now, you said you'd leave me alone after last time, so tell me, why are you here? Uh, if you even are here…Are you here?" he finished rather feebly. To test his statement, he put out his finger as if he was going to poke her in the shoulder.

Rolling her eyes, Sam grabbed his wrist and ignored the yelp of surprise from McKay when he felt her contact him. "Yes, Rodney, it's really me, I'm really here, and I'm really a whale, not a hallucination," she finished with a sigh.

"Well, how do I know that, hmm? You suppose I'll just take you at your word? You show up here, dressed all seductively, and expect me to think you're NOT a hallucination?"

"There's just no pleasing you, is there McKay? So, I suppose you want a test, right? To prove you're not cracking up, or just conjuring me as a symptom of sexual frustration?"

"Yes, well I—What?" McKay yelled, indignant.

Sam shrugged. "Hey, it's nothing to be ashamed of. So the most action you've seen in a while was a kiss from the human manifestation of a whale, and you think even _that_ may have been a delusion. I wouldn't be surprised if you started conjuring fantasy women to satisfy your needs, since you have such a hard time around real women." Her sweet, teasing smile only infuriated Rodney further, and he let out an offended snort.

"And what makes you think I don't get a lot of action? Because, I'll have you know, I've seen a fair share of women in my day. I may not be Colonel Casanova, but I caught _your_ eye," he finished smugly.

At that moment, another voice came from the open doorway, "Uh, I'll just come back later…"

Rodney's head snapped sideways to see Colonel Sheppard standing in the doorway, a look of utter confusion and embarrassment on his face. "Ah, Colonel. We were just talking about you. Weren't we, Rodney?" McKay was surprised to see that instead of looking at Sam, he was now looking at Elizabeth Weir. "Rodney?" she repeated, obviously expecting him to answer.

Rodney was pretty sure that even if he wasn't going crazy, there was something seriously wrong with his brain, because at that moment all he could manage was, "Uh, yeah."

"Rodney, are you okay?" John asked.

"Yes, I was just…um, in the lab, alone, doing some work, and I was talking on the radio, to, ah…" Rodney trailed off. He really was a terrible liar, and he could tell Sheppard wasn't buying it.

"Right. Listen, I just stopped by to give you some news. Some sort of alien whales have been spotted out by the east pier. The marine biologists are having a field day, and everybody's heading out there to do some whale watching. I think it might be the same kind that led us to your jumper, Rodney. Wanna come?"

Rodney's mind was reeling. She was back? And there were more with her? "I, uh…"

"What Rodney is so eloquently trying to say, John, is that we'll be there in a minute." Rodney recovered himself enough to glare at her through narrowed eyes. She was just a hallucination, why was she trying to answer for him? He was about to answer for himself, when John spoke again.

"Sure. Oh, Elizabeth, I finished writing my report on PX6-3F2. I was just on my way to bring it to you." Sheppard indicated the file in his hands.

Elizabeth acted surprised. "Already? You just visited there yesterday, I wasn't expecting your report for another several weeks."

John smiled ruefully. "Well, I've been a little behind on my paperwork lately, and Caldwell threatened to ground me until it all got turned in."

Elizabeth put her hands behind her back, looking grim. "You know he doesn't have the authority to do that, John."

"I know," he shrugged. "But if I get all my reports in on time, maybe he won't immediately suspect me the next time somebody 'accidentally' superglues him to that chair he loves so much."

Elizabeth grinned. "Just leave the report on my desk, Colonel." With a thankful smile, Sheppard exited the lab and headed off to the east pier.

When Rodney turned back to look at her, he was once again facing Sam. "So," he began, "not a hallucination."

"Nope." She smiled.

"And you're here because…"

"I—we—need your help."

"Right." Rodney let out a long breath, then asked the question he knew she'd been wanting him to ask since she appeared approximately five minutes ago. "What can I do?"

oOo

Author's notes 2: Eh, I'm not too terribly pleased with this part, but it was just a lot of set up for what's coming. (I haven't written all of this yet, so I only have a vague idea of where it's going, just bear with me.) Sorry if it was slow, or the voices were off, or there wasn't a whole lot of Sam/Rodney interaction. There'll be more later, I promise.


	3. Rodney Makes a Splash

Author: Porthos

Author's notes: Okay, I _think_ I kind of know where this is headed now. Of course, since I'm writing this without a pre-determined outline, that all may change by the time I get done with this chapter.

oOo

"First thing's first," Sam said. "I need you to head out towards the east pier. I'll meet you there."

"What, in front of everybody? Won't they see you?"

She rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Rodney, we don't have a lot of time. Will you just stop arguing with me and do as I say, please?"

"Fine, fine." Rodney headed towards the exit, but stopped as a thought occurred to him. "Wait, how will I know—" he turned and realized he was talking to an empty room. "—where you are," he finished feebly.

Resolving himself to the fact that she would reveal everything when she was ready, he started heading out towards the east pier. He was soon caught up in the flow of people rushing towards the sight, and he felt a light grasp on his arm just as he reached the pier. "Rodney!" Elizabeth smiled at him brightly in greeting.

Rodney examined her suspiciously while listening to the "oohs" and "ahs" of the whale watchers behind him. "Elizabeth, what are you doing here?" he asked skeptically. He still hadn't quite recovered from seeing Sam change into Elizabeth and back right before his eyes. He couldn't be sure if this was Sam messing with his head again, or if it was the real Elizabeth. He was beginning to feel like he couldn't tell what was real or not, and was halfway expecting Sam to show up in skin tight black leather and shades and tell him to "follow the white rabbit." Hmm, come to think of it, that wouldn't be so bad…the leather part, anyway. Not the losing his mind part.

"I just heard about the whales," Elizabeth answered, nodding in the direction of the pier, "and I thought I'd come check it out. Although I must admit that I'm surprised to see you here. I didn't think you went in for this sort of nature-loving thing."

McKay agreed nervously. "Yes, well, it's not like I run around Atlantis in my Greenpeace t-shirt and Birkenstocks, peddling hemp jewelry to tourists, but Sheppard seemed to think it was important, so…"

"Yes, Sheppard was the one who invited me out here, as well." She took Rodney's arm lightly and began leading them out towards the nearest balcony, almost at the water's edge. "Although," she added quizzically, "he seemed to think I should have already known about it, for some reason."

Despite Rodney's best efforts, his chuckle sounded edgy and forced. "Huh, that's odd," he said, hoping she couldn't hear his heart dancing a frantic samba against his ribcage. He guessed this was probably the real Elizabeth, given that she hadn't tried to needle him…yet. As soon as they reached the water's edge, however, Rodney's anxiety was immediately forgotten as one of the whales broke the surface not fifteen feet from where he was standing. He added his own stifled sound of amazement to those of the audience.

Standing next to him, Elizabeth couldn't hide her own shock. "That was incredible, Rodney! I think there's a few more heading this way, over there. Look!" Rodney followed her gaze, and soon found the ripples she was pointing out. He barely had time to register the massive size of the ripples before he was narrowly avoiding the splash as not one, but three, whales broke the surface just in front of where he and Elizabeth were standing.

As soon as he had recovered himself, he began to take in the sight before him, and immediately realized something was wrong. The middle whale was huge, and almost an ashen grey in color, as opposed to the vivid turquoise blue of the outside whales. He noticed the other two whales were supporting the middle whale, which seemed mildly lethargic and unable to stay afloat by itself. As if confirming his suspicions, the whale gave a low, sad moan that seemed to reverberate inside McKay's own chest.

"Oh, that poor thing," Elizabeth whispered, as if to herself. The whales seemed to sense her pain, and began making soft notes and clicks of their own, but they never moved from their place right in front of Rodney and Elizabeth. "That's remarkable. It almost sounds like…language…" she trailed off, but gently touched Rodney's shoulder to get his attention. "Do you think…" she whispered, then paused as if she couldn't believe what she was about to say. "You don't suppose they're asking us to help?"

Rodney didn't answer, he just turned back to stare at the sight before him, wide eyed. They were beginning to attract some attention and a small crowd was gathering, so when Rodney felt a tug on his shirt, he ignored it at first. Then it came again, this time more insistent, along with a timid "Dr. McKay?"

He turned to find Dr. Miko Kusenagi staring back at him with large, doe eyes and pink ribbons tied around her pigtails. He blinked at the odd spectacle before realizing she wanted an answer. "What?" he snapped impatiently.

"Dr. McKay, you are needed back in your lab." She bowed her head humbly.

"I don't hear any sirens or see any flashing lights, so what could you possibly need me for? The entire science staff is out here or in the mess hall, so just grab one of them to deal with it. I'm busy." With that, he turned his back on her, once again facing the sick whale before him.

Rodney didn't see the very un-Miko-like glare she cast at his back. The next thing he knew, he was drenched head to foot in icy sea water, and there was a whale in front of him, glowering at him crossly from the one eye it had out of the water and facing his direction. It gave another abrupt snort from its blow hole, as if warning him that there was more where that came from.

Rodney wiped his hand over his wet face in a futile attempt to get rid of some of the freezing water. Still dripping, he turned to endure Elizabeth's stifled giggles. "Apparently, I'm needed in my lab," he told her with as much dignity as he could muster. He brushed past Miko, who was bowing low and smiling brightly, casting out the occasional "Domo arigoto, Dr. McKay."

"Miko" followed McKay halfway down the hall, and all the while he steadfastly ignored her giggling. When he finally stepped into the transporter and the doors closed, he was greeted with Sam's laughter instead. "Was that really necessary?" he snapped, running his hand through his sopping wet hair. He glared at her, noticing that she was now wearing an Atlantis uniform, although instead of the usual red, black, or blue color-coding system, she was wearing pink.

"Well, if you hadn't been too busy making goo-goo eyes at Dr. Weir, I might have been able to pull you away easier." She raised one eyebrow in challenge.

"How was I supposed to know that was you?" he shouted as he angrily punched in his destination. "And I was _not_ making goo-goo eyes at Elizabeth!"

"Where are we going?" Sam curiously looked at the glowing destination on the transporter wall.

"To throw myself in front of the next incoming wormhole," came the sarcastic reply. "Where do you think? I'm going to change my shirt!" Rodney answered hotly as he stomped out of the transporter, his shoes making furious squishing noises with each step. He chanced a look backwards to see the transporter doors close on her impish grin.

McKay turned down the next hall and stepped into his quarters, ignoring the soggy puddles his shoes left on the threshold. He kicked them off and started to strip without bothering to turn on the lights, then let out an indignant squawk when he realized he was not alone. Holding his shirt up over his bare chest in a rather demure manner, he blustered, "What are you doing here?"

A corner of Sam's mouth turned upwards in a smirk. "Enjoying the view," she answered.

McKay snorted in annoyance. "Do you mind?" he huffed as he gestured towards the door. "I'm trying to change, here!"

"Oh, don't mind me," Sam settled herself in with a wicked grin. "Just act like I'm not even here."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "That's what I've been _trying_ to do ever since you showed up!" He used the hand that wasn't holding up his shirt to grab Sam's arm and haul her up and towards the door. "Now if you _don't mind_, I'd like to have some _privacy_!"

Sam dug in her heels near the open doorway just as he was about to throw her out. "Alright! Alright! You win!" Rodney stopped to frown at her skeptically, his chin jutting outward in defiance. "I'll go. Just don't take too long. We have a lot we need to talk about." With that, she dissolved into nothing, and Rodney was left holding air.

In mild shock, he examined the room, not completely believing he had won that easily. He looked in the closet and even under the bed. Presumably satisfied with his impromptu scrutiny of his living quarters, he grabbed a set of dry clothes and began to change. His thumbs were on the edge of his waistband before he paused. That nagging suspicion in the back of his mind just wouldn't go away. Taking one last look around, he grabbed his clothes and retreated to the privacy of his tiny bathroom. Outside his door, he could have sworn he heard a female voice softly mutter, "Shucks."

oOo

Author's notes 2: Sorry it was so short. I'm working on the next part right now, I'll post it as soon as it gets done. I really don't know if I want to make this into more of a McWeir piece, but I just sort of couldn't resist putting her in here, since she would be the person most likely to be awed by the whales and pick up on their communication skills. Let me know if you want to see more of Rodney and Elizabeth together in the coming chapters. Like I said, I really only have a vague idea where this is going, and an even vaguer idea of how I'm going to get there. I do know what's making the whales sick, and that will either be revealed in the next chapter or the one after that.


	4. The Plague and The Plan

Author's notes: Okay, I have finals tomorrow (giving them, not taking them…ah, the joys of being a teacher!) :) but I'm a terrible procrastinator, so I decided to write the next chapter. Here goes…

oOo

Rodney stepped out of the bathroom to find Sam stretched out on his bed with a few of the various "Atlantean doodads" that he had brought home from the lab scattered around her. She had obviously let curiosity get the best of her, since several of the ones that didn't require a gene to activate were blinking and humming contentedly, and she had even managed to get the egg-shaped thing to open. He didn't even know it _could_ open!

She had his laptop booted up, and was happily typing away. She didn't even acknowledge him as he entered, or as he began shutting down the numerous devices without bothering to hide his anger. "Make yourself at home," McKay commented, sarcasm heavy.

When Sam spoke, she didn't take her eyes off the screen, and her impassive tone was belied only by the slight curve of her lips. "These are some pretty risqué pictures, Rodney. I thought you preferred blondes. Do you think Agent Scully is a natural redhead?"

Rodney snatched the laptop out of her snooping grasp as fast as humanly possible. "Do you mind?" he shouted, indignant. "No respect for a man's privacy," he mumbled, sitting down on the end of his bed and preparing to close out his very personal files. He was surprised when he saw that the screen actually displayed the Atlantis database files. "Wha— How did you get past my encrypted password?"

Sam tapped her temple with an index finger as she came to kneel next to him on the bed. "Mind reader, remember? And do you really have pictures like that? I was hoping I was wrong about that particular insight."

"Yes, well, that disturbing penchant of yours to find out my most mortifying and personal secrets aside, I'm curious as to what you were looking for. This just looks like listing of the zoology of other planets in the Pegasus Galaxy. Yes!" He pointed to one of the files on the screen. It bore a vague resemblance to a fanged frog. "Yes, I definitely recognize this one. Ravenous little monsters." He shuddered.

Sam looked at him askew. "Okay, while I'm sure there's a world of entertainment behind that comment, I don't really want to go there right now. This," she leaned over McKay and tapped a few keys on the laptop, "is more what I had in mind."

Rodney immediately identified the image on the screen as that of the alien whales. He quickly skimmed some of the information in the database. "They have an entire file on you!"

"Well, not me _personally_…"

"Of course not. This entry is over 10,000 years old," he answered with a haughty eye roll. "Plus, I didn't see anything about sadistic pranksters with an unhealthy fondness for the color pink."

"Ha ha," Sam mocked, rolling her eyes right back. "Seriously, McKay, read it. Does it say anything about an illness in there, or a sudden drop in numbers, anything?"

Rodney quickly read the file, then shook his head. "No, sorry."

Letting out an exhausted breath, Sam leaned back with her elbows on the bed. "That's what I thought. That means that it must be something that's happened recently. Or at least in the last 10,000 years, so I suppose maybe not _that_ recently…"

"What are you talking about?"

"The plague!" she sat forward and answered impatiently, as if he should already know all about it. At his blank and mildly frustrated look, she paused. "Uh, I didn't tell you about that part yet, did I?" He shook his head with an expression of supreme condescension. "Oh…well…see, there's this plague…"

"You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?"

"Look, we don't know all that much about it! Some of us can go our whole lives without getting it, and then some of us seem to be born with it. Then there's others, like Mwaya that you saw, who get it when they're very old. She's the oldest of our kind, Rodney, and I know there's not much we can do for her, but she's our leader, and…" She trailed off, her eyes intense and pleading. "We don't know what's causing it, how to treat it, anything…all we know is that it's killing us."

Rodney wanted to help her, he really did, but this sort of thing really didn't fall under his area of expertise. "Look, maybe we should talk to some of the marine biologists, or even Beckett, he could—"

"No!" she interrupted. "This has to stay between us. The only reason the others are even letting me talk to you is because you already know about us, so they figure I can't do any more damage."

"Well I'm not saying we have to have all the whale avatars manifest themselves and do the can-can for the senior staff! I'm sure we can get somebody to check you out while avoiding the whole 'telepathic talking whale in human form' routine."

Sam eyed him narrowly. "I see your point. Okay, if we can be discreet. I'll talk to the others, make them see that it's necessary."

"Good. I'll get things set up on this end."

"Okay. I'll give you an update in a few hours." Sam nodded, then headed for the door. She paused and turned around just as the doors slid open. "And Rodney? Thanks."

He glanced up from his laptop just in time to see her smile, then walk out the door. On a whim, he got up and followed her. Poking his head out into the hallway, he wasn't surprised to find the hall empty. Stifling a half-grin of amusement, he heard his radio chirp. "McKay," he responded.

"Rodney?" The thick Scottish brogue could only be one man.

"Carson! Just the voo-doo medicine man I wanted to see."

There was a pause in which McKay was sure Carson was mentally cataloguing his collection of sheep-shearers in order to get his temper under control. When his voice came over the com again, however, there was still a slight edge to it. "Rodney, can I see you in Dr. Balaena's lab, please?"

"I'm on my way."

oOo

A/N (2): Yes, I stole the fanged frogs. Bonus points to anyone who can guess where I got them:D This was really short, so the next part is coming right up!


	5. Meet Dr Balaena

Author's notes: Okay, I'm attempting to do something I've never really done before…create an original character. I guess you could say I kind of did that with Whale-Sam, but in reality it's more like she infiltrated my brain and took over, I didn't really have any control over her. Hopefully, Dr. Balaena will be a moderately successful attempt at an OC, although she doesn't get much of a speaking part yet…(prays silently that this doesn't scare off all her readers and destroy this fic…)

oOo

It had been Rodney's experience that biologists who specialized in a certain area tended to resemble the animals they studied. Ornithologists usually had large, pointed noses that resembled beaks, herpetologists seemed to all have leathery skin and wide eyes, microbiologists were usually thin and reedy, giving them a sickly appearance, and so on. It reminded him of how people were always supposed to look like their pets.

Dr. Mildred Balaena was a marine biologist, and her appearance did nothing to disprove McKay's theory. She had thick, round glasses that resembled fish eyes and was always sucking in her cheeks and pursing her lips when she was deep in thought. It was all Rodney could do not to sprinkle a little fish food her way when she got like that, and if someday she was picking fish flakes from her short black hair, he would stubbornly deny any accusations that he had put it there.

As soon as Rodney opened the doors to her lab, he was assaulted by the smell. Or more accurately, he felt like a tuna had crawled up his nose and died. Mildred had saltwater aquariums filled with specimens lining every wall, and her lab tables were piled high with all the fare you would expect from a Tokyo fish market. All sizes and shapes of fish, squid, eels, jellyfish, crabs, clams, kelp, and a few things McKay couldn't quite identify were laid out to be prepared as specimens in Dr. Balaena's research collection, what the rest of her staff had secretly dubbed the "Circus of the Slimy." Watching as a bit of blue fluid slowly dripped off the end of one of the eel's large wing-looking structures, McKay figured the name was pretty accurate.

"Carson," he called, heroically stifling the urge to choke on the smell. "You wanted to see me?"

The doctor's head popped up from behind the small table that he, Mildred, and Elizabeth were surrounding. "Aye, Rodney. We seem to be having a bit of technical difficulty."

"Carson, I'm about as far from your resident handyman as you are from practicing some real science. Get Zelenka to handle it, I'm—"

"We tried calling him over the com already. He sounded a bit…preoccupied at the moment." The slight blush that crept up Carson's neck told Rodney that he had either missed something really funny or really disturbing. Knowing Zelenka, it was the latter, so Rodney decided he'd rather not ask.

"Look, Carson, I really don't have time for this, but I did want to ask you a few questions for…research purposes."

Carson cast Rodney an exasperated look over the edge of the table, but Elizabeth cut in before the Scotsman could continue. "I understand that you're busy Rodney. We'll just have to find somebody else to help us fix this holographic projector table."

"Holographic projector?" Rodney asked, interest obviously piqued. Elizabeth just smiled knowingly and nodded. "Well, I, uh…Whoever you find to fix it will probably just screw the whole thing up, then I'll have to come down here and fix it anyway, so I might as well just save myself some time and take a look at it now." Rodney was already under the table and beginning to poke around in the wires before he had even finished the sentence.

"That's very generous of you, Rodney." Elizabeth's voice touched the edges of laughter, but she managed to keep herself under control. Mildred just pursed her lips and watched him.

A few moments, a shower of sparks, and a few colorful curses later, Rodney had the projector up and running. "There, that should do it. Nothing big really, just a few wires corroded with…" he wiped the green slime from his hand onto the table, "…age," he finished uncertainly. "Out of curiosity, what are you trying to do with this thing?"

Mildred spoke up for the first time, her high bubbly voice full of enthusiasm. "This projector is hooked up to the database. Dr. Weir wanted Carson and I to research the cetaceans that showed up on the east pier this morning. She said one of them looked sick."

Rodney looked at Elizabeth, surprised that she had already done his work for him. "Really?"

Elizabeth shrugged self-consciously. "Okay, so maybe I never drove around with a 'Save the Whales,' bumper sticker, but I feel like we should do something to help them, if we can. Don't you?"

Rodney eyed her suspiciously, looking for any signs of pink and/or signs she might not really be Elizabeth. He didn't really think he'd find any, but it didn't hurt to check. "Yeah, I suppose," he answered. "Actually," he continued hesitantly, "I might stick around and see if I can help out. After all, I have superior brainpower here."

Mildred seemed delighted, but Carson looked less than thrilled. "Elizabeth, I'm not even sure how much help I can be. Rattle off a few symptoms and I can tell any person what strain of flu bug's been ailin' them, but whale diseases are a bit outside my bailiwick."

"Carson," Elizabeth smiled placatingly at him, "you are this galaxy's foremost expert in communicable disease. I'm sure you'll be able to find some way to help. And as for you," she turned to Rodney, "I'm not quite sure what you have in mind, but I'm happy for your support anyhow. Dr. Balaene, keep me apprised of your progress. I have a few things I need to check on, so if you need me I'll be in my office. Good luck," she said as she headed out of the lab, then turned and proceeded down the corridor to the control room.

"Well," Mildred spoke, her eyes shining brightly behind her thick glasses. "Shall we get started?"

oOo

A/N (2): I know, I know, another really short one. But at least I put two short ones up together, right? And yes, I stole Carson's "bailiwick" comment from "Inferno," because it was just too adorable. I love Carson! Anyway, this will probably be all I post for this one until spring break. Three days away:D Also, is it just me or has interest petered out for this fic? Should I even bother continuing with it? Send me reviews if you want me to continue, otherwise I'll probably finish up some other fics before I come back to this one.


	6. The Plot Thickens

Author's notes: Okay, nobody guessed where the fanged frogs came from, so here's a hint: check out liketheriver's fics. They're some of the wittiest and most in-character stories I've read, and they never fail to amuse me. The one with the fanged frogs is one of my favorites. :D

And now on to the notes for the fic: Glad to hear I've still got readers! (Apparently my poorly veiled attempt at blackmail got a few out of hiding.) ;) Also, I'm having a great time writing this, so I'm really glad to hear that you all are having a good time reading it, as well. Thanks for all your great support!

Also, I may be stealing from some recent current events for the source of the whales' illness, but I swear I'm not making any political statements here.

oOo

"Dr. McKay, this is amazing!" Mildred said for about the fifteenth time in the last hour. "There is so much information here, I hardly know where to begin."

"Hmm," Rodney answered noncommittally. He was too busy deciding whether Mildred looked more like a goldfish or a trout.

Dr. Balaena looked up to see McKay staring at her, then looked back at the holographic projection with pursed lips. And was she…blushing? Suddenly sitting up straight, Rodney decided now would be a good time to check on Beckett's progress. Tapping his radio, he called Carson's name.

"Yes, what is it Rodney?" If Carson didn't stop sounding so annoyed, Rodney was going to think the Scot didn't like basking in his glowing presence, and that was just silly. Or maybe he just didn't want to head back into Dr. Balaena's lab, and _that_ Rodney could understand.

"What have you been doing for the past hour? Last time I checked, there were no sheep in Atlantis in need of shearing, so what could possibly be taking you so long?"

An exasperated sigh greeted McKay as Carson stepped into the lab. "Rodney, if you donnae watch your bloody tone, I have no choice but to assume you've a hankering for a ruddy big vitamin shot to the bum."

Rodney was unfazed. "Aside from a repressed desire to see me drop my pants, what have you got?"

Carson pinched the bridge of his nose and passed the file to McKay. "I got the blood tests back from the lab, but aside from the lack of a bacterial or viral presence, I cannae make heads or tails of the blood chemistry."

Rodney opened the folder to see the list of hormones and neurotransmitters found in the whale blood. "Wow, extremely high levels of norepinephrine and serotonin."

"Aye, they're high levels for a human, but I have no idea if they're high for the whales. And there's some chemicals I've never even seen before!"

Rodney continued to flip through the reports. "Hmm…There's also low levels of glutamate…"

"But only in the sick whales," Carson confirmed. "And it's usually accompanied by a drop in the norepinephrine and serotonin levels. Near as I can tell, it's what's making the beasties sick."

"Gentlemen, perhaps I can explain those neurotransmitter levels." Mildred spoke up, her eyes glued to the holographic projector. "I've managed to call up one of the files on the brain activity of the whales. As you can see here," she pointed to one spot on the holographic image of the brain, "they have unusually large auditory processing centers. These whales are most likely very sensitive to sound, perhaps even more so than the cetaceans of earth. Glutamate is a neurotransmitter involved in the processing of sound waves, isn't that correct doctor?"

Carson nodded in the affirmative. "Aye. It could be that something's damaging their ability to process sound, and that's somehow affecting the norepinephrine and serotonin that are associated with higher brain functions. I just wish I knew more about how their brains functioned, it might give us a hint as to what's causing the damage."

Mildred tapped a few keys on the console. "I believe there's a…Yes, here it is! A complete listing of every function of the xenocetaceans' brain, as well as the correlative mapped location of the function."

"Bloody amazing," Carson breathed. "The Ancients were nothing if not thorough."

Mildred nodded as she tapped a few more keys and called up the file that Rodney immediately recognized as the one describing how the whales were able to project their consciousness in human form. He had a brief moment of panic when he realized that Sam's secret was only moments from being discovered. Thinking fast, he spied a small tank containing one lonely fish setting near the projector. He leaned over close to Mildred, pretending to be absorbed in the hologram, then "accidentally" bumped the tank, sending it crashing down on top of the projector. With an unholy squeal, Mildred dove to protect her precious fish as the projector table erupted in a shower of sparks. Cupping the fish tenderly, she cooed to it quietly, the projector sparking periodically in the background.

"Oh, ah, I'm so sorry, Mildred," Rodney apologized, but Dr. Balaena was too busy frantically searching for a spare tank to save her beloved fish. "Well, uh, I have some work I need to do, and Carson I'm sure you have better things to do with your time, so I'll just be…going." He pointed to the door, which Carson was already making a beeline toward, and Rodney followed quickly at his heels.

As soon as he exited the lab, Rodney called Zelenka on his com. There was a brief pause, some rustling noises, and a bit of brief mumbling in Czech before Radek's voice responded, sounding entirely too professional. "Zelenka here. What can I do for you Rodney?" Yeah, the sneaky Czech was definitely hiding something.

"I need you to gather up some equipment for me. I need my laptop from my lab and a microphone capable of detecting subsonic and supersonic frequencies underwater. Take them to the jumper bay, and rig up one of the jumpers for marine travel."

"Marine travel? Rodney, are you certain you—" There was a soft voice in the background that interrupted Zelenka, and McKay had no doubt that it was definitely a female voice.

"I knew it! You _do_ have a secret girlfriend!" Rodney exclaimed triumphantly.

"What? No, I…" Radek bluffed desperately. "It was movie you heard. I am watching movie on laptop in room." Rodney heard the female voice giggling, and then Radek muttering something in Czech. There was one last snort, and then the giggles were silent.

"Right, whatever. Just get the equipment, and I'll meet you in the jumper bay shortly. I have a few things I need to do first. McKay out." Rodney closed the connection, not letting Zelenka try to talk his way out of this one.

Worried he would never get the smell of raw, dead fish out of his nostrils, Rodney decided to head to his quarters to clean up. Just as he turned the corner to head for the nearest transporter, he nearly ran right into Cadman. She was obviously out for a run, clad in her grey sweatpants and tee-shirt, as well as a bright pink headband and a pink ipod with earphones. Rodney, however, immediately noticed the pink and recognized this as the latest disguise Sam had adopted.

"Ah, there you are," he greeted. "I've been looking all over for you."

Cadman immediately stopped and took out her earphones, peering at him suspiciously. "Oh. Okay. What did you need?"

"I just thought you should know that we figured out what's causing the whales to get sick," he announced proudly.

"Oh…that's…good?" Cadman asked, clearly confused.

Rodney gazed up briefly towards the heavens in his "save me from the imbeciles" gesture. "Yes, I'd say it's very good. Something about some sort of strange sound waves that only affect the ones sensitive to it. We don't really know what's causing the sensitivity, but really all we have to do is track the source of the sound and eliminate it, and everyone should be back to their old selves. Well, that's the theory anyway."

"I'm glad you're taking such an interest in the native wildlife, Rodney." Cadman didn't even bother to hide the amusement in her voice.

Rodney continued, slightly irked. "Yes, well I'm surprised you're not more enthusiastic about this. After all, you're the one who—"

"McKay! There you are!" Sheppard barreled around the corner. "Elizabeth wants to see us in her office, pronto." Sheppard continued on past Rodney, not bothering to pause in his stride.

"Right, just a minute," Rodney stalled.

"Now, McKay." Sheppard was using his dangerous voice, the one that threatened lots of combat training with Teyla and Ronon if he didn't comply.

Turning back to Cadman, Rodney spoke as he followed Sheppard's to the transporter. "I guess we'll have to finish this later." As an afterthought he added, "But, uh, not in my quarters this time. That was a little creepy."

"Your…quarters? Rodney, are you sure you're feeling all right?"

"_Now_, McKay!" Sheppard bellowed from the open transporter.

"Yes, yes, I'm coming!" Rodney yelled back. Stepping in front of the transporter doors, Sheppard grabbed the front of his shirt and forcibly hauled him into the transporter.

"Hey!" Rodney was incensed. "Is it really necessary to manhandle me?" He turned to glare at Sheppard and gave a surprised yelp when he saw Sam standing there instead, dressed in Sheppard's usual black t-shirt and BDU pants.

"Well, you were about to disclose some pretty vital information, so I decided some drastic action was necessary."

Rodney was gobsmacked. "Wait, if you're…then Cadman's…oh, no," he groaned, burying his face in his hands. "As if that woman needed _more_ reason to think I'm insane."

"She doesn't think you're insane," Sam said lightly, a hint of a mischievous grin touching her lips. "She thinks you're cute, actually."

"Really?" McKay instantly perked up. "But wait, she's with Carson…"

"They have a 'look but don't touch' policy," Sam shrugged. "Now, on to this theory of yours. How do you plan to find the source of the sound waves?"

"I'm working on it. But I think I'll need your help for that."

Sam nodded enthusiastically. "Okay, I'll meet you in the jumper bay later. First, though, uh…I think you'd better go take a shower." She leaned in and gave an exaggerated sniff. "You stink, McKay."

"Oh, you spend an hour with the fish lady and we'll see how nice you smell!"

"Ah-hem." Rodney heard someone clear their throat, then turned to face Colonel Sheppard—the real Colonel Sheppard—staring at him through the open doors of the transporter.

Rodney realized he was alone in the transporter, and halfheartedly pointed to his headset. "Radio," he offered by way of explanation.

Sheppard continued to stare at Rodney with his arms crossed, and raised a solitary eyebrow in response. After a few awkward moments of silence, Rodney said as nonchalantly as he could, "Well, I'll just be going then. See you later Colonel," he called over his shoulder as he hurried off to take a shower.

oOo

A/N: Okay, I have no clue if the neurotransmitter thing is right, but in the 5 minutes of research I did, I thought it sounded okay. Let me know if I screwed up. Also, I'm thinking I have somewhere between 3 or 4 chapters left to go on this. And don't worry, Zelenka's mystery girlfriend will be revealed, as well as some other interesting romantic entanglements… :D


	7. Commence the Quest

A/N: Okay, so apparently a complete and utter lack of free time plus a nomination for the Stargate Fan Awards equals mucho inspiration. Sorry for the delay, I was sort of buried in writer's blocks, but I now have the whole thing planned out (more or less). This chapter and the next are a lot of set up for the chapter after them, which I've already started writing and is probably my favorite chapter of the entire fic. Also, the McKay-Sheppard snark sort of seduced my muse while my back was turned and took over the fic. Meh.

This chapter received a quick and dirty beta from the ever patient and kind aaobuttons. Thanks for kicking my butt into gear on this fic, and I hope you enjoy your bribe!

oOo

By the time Rodney made it to the Jumper bay, clean and fish market-smell free, Radek and Elizabeth were already there waiting for him. He entered the rear hatch of the Jumper, approaching both their backs as they were crouched down over something, speaking in low tones. "Everything ready, Zelenka?"

The pair leapt about a foot into the air and Radek put a hand to his chest in fright. Elizabeth shot a hand out to steady him. "McKay!" he admonished, "Did no one ever teach you not to sneak up on person working with extremely touchy nuclear device?"

"I wasn't sneaking, you were obviously just—" Rodney's brain suddenly caught up with Zelenka's words. "Wait, nuclear device?" He spied the naquada generator at Radek's feet, various wires snaking out of it to connect to the main control console.

Radek shot a relieved look at Elizabeth, probably happy to have avoided the verbal sparring match he was destined to lose, anyway. And was that…Did she just wink at him? "Go on, Radek. Tell him," she said proudly.

Zelenka nodded with enthusiasm. "I have connected naquada generator to the shield controls, since puddlejumper has only a small power source in comparison. This will allow for increased shield strength and durability."

Rodney blinked. "Oh. That's…That's actually very clever, Radek."

Zelenka's face beamed for a split second at the praise before he firmly stamped it out in favor of snarking. "Yes, well, you were not very forthcoming with information, so I figured necessary precautions should be—"

"Yes, yes, I'll explain my plan when everyone else gets here, you'll just have to be patient," Rodney interrupted, not seeing Zelenka's glare since he was too busy checking several systems on the Jumper. Finally turning to Radek, he asked, "Where are the sonic sensors I asked for?"

"Dr. Balaena is calibrating them to detect frequencies in the whale's audio range." Elizabeth supplied. "She should be bringing them by any—"

"Looks like we're having a party!" Sheppard called as he exited the transporter, along with a very frustrated-looking Dr. Balaena. "And since my mother always taught me never to show up at a party empty-handed…" He gamely plucked the sensors out of Balaena's grasp and was about to present them to Rodney as if they were more precious than the crown jewels when she snatched them back.

"This is highly sensitive equipment, Colonel Sheppard!" She huffed and jutted her chin out in defiance, looking to Rodney about as intimidating as an angry halibut. "They require delicate handling," she continued, shaking the instruments in her hands for emphasis. "The slightest jostle could undo painstaking calculations! The slightest shake, a little tap, and you might—"

Rodney gingerly took the sensors from her wildly gesticulating hands. "Yes, I think he gets it, Dr. Balaena." He said it as politely as he could through gritted teeth.

"Oh. Right, yes." A faint blush crept to her cheeks as she released the equipment. Rodney was eerily reminded of Kusenagi whenever she offered to give him a foot rub in the lab…Not that he ever refused. He just tried to ignore the weirdness of it.

"Well, now that we're all here," Elizabeth began, gazing expectantly at Rodney, "Would you like to fill us in?"

Looking around the room, McKay really had no way of determining if everyone he needed really _was_ there. After all, he had asked Sam to meet him in the Jumper bay, but given her penchant to hide in plain sight, he had no way to tell if she was in the room or not, so he might as well get started. Just as he began his explanation, a voice called out from the transporter. "Sorry I'm late McKay!"

"Cadman?" Rodney questioned as she came jogging up to the rest of the group.

"Don't look so shocked, McKay. You were the one who asked me to meet you here."

"I did?" At Cadman's raised eyebrow, he quickly examined the casual outfit, realizing the pink t-shirt with sparkling daisies wasn't Cadman's usual off-duty attire. Squinting into the glare caused by an amount of glitter that even a twelve year old girl would find gaudy, he changed tactics. "Yes, of course I did. Good of you to finally join us."

"Well, you know how it is. Carson and I were talking and we got a little…wrapped up with each other," she said with a wicked grin.

At the image her words conjured, Rodney felt the urge to scrub out the inside of his eyeballs with a Brillo pad.

"Er, yes, well…whatever. Look, do you all want to hear my plan or not?"

"Yes!" came a chorus of impatient and amused voices.

"Fine! It's all very simple, really. The jumper's been rigged for marine travel, so I'll need Colonel Sheppard to pilot the Jumper into the ocean, where I'll—"

"Wait, why do I have to pilot it? Did it ever occur to you that I might have better things to do with my time than cart your sorry ass all over the planet?"

"Oh, like what? Get beaten to a pulp by Teyla and her Mighty Sticks of Doom?" Rodney countered. "Stop being so difficult. We both know you've been dying for a chance to see how far down you can take the Jumper, and I certainly can't pilot it and take readings at the same time. Besides, if you don't do this, then see if I agree to help you the next time you need a favor."

"McKay, you _never_ agree to help me with _anything_."

"Yes, but I at least order one of my brainless lackeys to do it. Next time, I'll just—"

"Gentlemen," came Elizabeth's stern, if slightly smirking voice. "Can we focus, please?"

"Er, right. As I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted," he cast a glare at Sheppard, who just rolled his eyes. "I'll start the emergency distress beacon once we're underwater, since we know the whales respond to it. We'll use the sensors to track the source of any anomalous frequencies, and we'll know when we've found the source of the illness when the whales either become disoriented or leave. Then, depending on what we find down there, we can just shut the source down or come back to the lab to devise a solution."

Elizabeth smiled encouragingly. "That sounds like an excellent plan, Rodney."

He smiled smugly. "Yes, well, we're not ready yet. Zelenka, why don't you start attaching the first sensor to the Jumper's systems, and Cadman and I will work on the other." Zelenka nodded as he took the device from McKay's hand, and Cadman followed Rodney as he moved to the opposite side of the Jumper.

"She's right, you know. It's a good plan," Sam-as-Cadman began. "Especially the part about using the beacon so I'll have an excuse to follow you around down there. There's just one problem, though."

"And what's that?" he replied defensively, still concentrating on the sensor and not bothering to hide his irritation.

"I'm not going anywhere once I know we've found the source of the signal. I'm not leaving you alone down there. Nobody knows what's down there better than me, and I won't just—"

"Look, if my hypothesis is correct, you'll be feeling too sick near the source of the sound to do us any good. It would be better if you just hung back at a safe distance." He could tell by the set line of her jaw that she didn't like the idea, but wasn't going to argue further. After a few awkward moments of silence, Rodney asked, "So, you didn't really…with Beckett…"

Cadman snorted. "No, of course not!" Rodney breathed an internal sigh of relief. Cadman just leered and added in a mischievous tone, "Carson's cute, but there's only one guy I want to get wrapped up in."

Rodney frowned. "That's…not at all comforting. In fact, it's a little disturbing…" Cadman was taking great pleasure in watching the red creep up Rodney's neck and onto his face.

Thankfully, Zelenka chose that moment to stand and announce proudly, "We are done!" earning him a pat on the back from Elizabeth.

"Good, uh, we're done here too," Rodney stood, trying to get his flustering under control. He headed towards the open Jumper hatch, then stopped short, rubbing his hands together nervously. "So, ah…after you." He gestured toward Sheppard, who just gazed back and raised a curious eyebrow.

"What gives, McKay? You've ridden in these things a dozen times since the crash, and you were fine."

Rodney glared at him like he was a few brain cells short of an amoeba. "Yes, well this is the first time I'll be taking it underwater again, isn't it? Now stop acting like an overprotective mother hen and just get in the Jumper." Sheppard let out a low growl of annoyance but did as instructed. Still, McKay stood at the threshold, clenching and unclenching his fists. Then suddenly, he felt small arms wrap around his waist. Looking down, he felt his eyebrows skyrocket upwards at the sight of Mildred Balaena attached to him like a lamprey, and her coke bottle-thick glasses were digging into his chest.

Cadman let out a bark of laughter, and McKay looked up to see Elizabeth's usually diplomatic expression marred as she struggled with the amused grin plaguing her features. Radek hid his reddening face behind his hands as he shook with silent laughter, and Cadman wasn't even bothering to hide her manic giggles. Honestly, you'd think he worked with a bunch of children!

McKay simply rolled his eyes and muttered, "Oh, please," under his breath. Peeling Balaena off of him, he gripped her by the shoulders and held her at arm's length, elbows locked, as he tried to put as much distance between the two of them as possible. "I'll be fine." He tried to sound reassuring, but he was pretty sure it came out as condescending.

She simply nodded, schooling her fish-like features in the most austere expression she could manage while sucking in her cheeks and pursing her lips. "Good luck," she said, "and Godspeed." Elizabeth stifled her sudden choking fit behind her hand.

Abruptly feeling an urgent desire to be anywhere but here, Rodney found he had no trouble entering the Jumper. As the hatch closed behind him, he heard Cadman call out in a sugary-sweet voice, "Godspeed!" just before the hatch banged shut.

Setting his jaw, McKay stoically ignored the look Sheppard was giving him as he settled into the copilot seat. Not one to be disregarded, Sheppard remarked casually, "So, it looks like you've got a new member of the McKay Fan Club. Tell me, is Kusenagi still their president?"

"Just shut up and drive," Rodney muttered.

oOo

A/N: Sorry this was kind of short, but this was written as one chapter, but I split it up because it was so long. The next chapter is a bit longer, and it's getting beta'd as we speak, so it should be up soon. Thanks for your patience, everyone!


	8. Revelations, Foreshadowing, and Snark

A/N: Again, Sheppard and McKay wouldn't shut up, so I just let them play. Blame them, not me. Warning for Sheppard's potty-mouth and McKay's almost-potty-mouth, but it's mild so I'm not upping the rating. ;)

I just want to thank all my loyal readers who have stuck with me during my hiatus, and a special thanks to the handful of readers who were willing to go back and read parts of old chapters in order to refresh their memories. You guys rock my socks off!

A very special thank you to my wonderful beta aaobuttons, who makes my stories worth reading. Also, only you could tempt me with spoilers and have me love you for it! (If anyone's interested, check out the spoilers for the episode "Echoes" on GateWorld, it's a hoot! E-mail me and I'll send you a link.)

oOo

After about an hour of chasing down strange sound readings only to come up empty handed, Sheppard was getting ready to call it quits.

"Look, McKay, I'm not saying we should pack it in for good, but it's going to get dark soon. Besides, don't you want to get back? They're serving your favorite tonight!" Sheppard tempted.

"While I'll admit that I'm not exactly happy about missing Meatloaf Surprise night, I am willing to bravely face the prospect of hypoglycemic fatigue in the name of science." McKay replied, holding his head high and playing the martyr.

"Yeah, well maybe _I'm_ hungry, did you consider that? You ate both your Powerbars _and_ the only one I had!" He snarked back.

Not willing to give up on the search, at least while a little daylight remained, McKay looked for a way to convince Sheppard to stay out just a little longer. "Look, Sheppard, you've got to admit that we've made some valuable discoveries out here."

He grinned wistfully. "Yeah, those half-shark, half-iguana things were cool."

"If by 'cool' you mean 'terrifying and reminiscent of creatures created by Dr. Moreau,' then yes, they were 'cool.'"

A familiar female voice cut into their argument and buzzed in Rodney's ear. "Dr. McKay, please switch to a private channel."

"What, again?" He was getting used to Whale-Sam calling to have a private "chat" whenever she wanted to offer advice on the search or just generally mess with his head.

"Just do it, McKay," came her exasperated reply.

"Fine," Rodney spat, switching his radio frequency.

"Who is that anyway? And why does she keep calling you?" Sheppard asked, confused.

"Um…Just some new scientist brought over on the Daedalus. You don't know her." Before Sheppard could reply, McKay tapped his radio to connect. "Yes, what do you want now?"

"Now now, Rodney, is that any way to greet somebody who saved your life?" she chided humorously.

"It is when I'm tired and that certain somebody has been sending me on wild goose chases for the last hour," he replied snippily.

Sam heaved her put-upon sigh across the radio. "Listen, I was just going to tell you that I agree with Sheppard, you should probably head back. Trust me, you don't want to be around when some of the nocturnal creatures wake up and come out to play. Besides, I think one of your sensors is broken."

Rodney's brain stopped conjuring images of sea monsters to focus on the problem at hand. "Wait, which sensor?"

"The one Zelenka installed. From out here, it looks like a few wires are disconnected."

Rodney immediately began running a diagnostic on the piece of offending equipment, and the results were returned with an angry beep from the computer. "Of course," he groaned.

"What's wrong?" Sheppard asked.

"The power conduit to one of the sensors has been knocked loose. It probably happened when you were driving around in frantic circles, trying to see your own bubble trail," he said pointedly.

"Okay, I'll admit that I may have been a little…over exuberant in the use of resources, but you've got to lay off the 'Colonel German Sheppard' jokes."

"What? All I said was there are better uses for an Atlantian mini-sub than chasing your tail for ten minutes. Although, if I were to carry the analogy to its logical conclusion, the next thing I know you'll be bent over, trying to lick your—"

"Aht!" Sheppard held up a warning finger. "We're agreed, no more dog jokes. Ever. Now, what's the big deal with this sensor? We've still got one working one, right?"

"The 'big deal,' Colonel, is that we can't determine the location of the sound." Rodney glared at Sheppard's blank expression, obviously perturbed at his lack of understanding. "Look, the sensors work like your ears…Okay, well maybe not _your_ ears, Spock, but normal people's ears." He completely ignored Sheppard's offended shout. "Sound reaches each ear at different times, usually only a split second apart. Your brain uses that difference to determine what direction the sound came from. With only one working sensor, we have no way of determining the direction we need to travel to find the sound source."

"Okay, so let's fix it," Sheppard shrugged.

"How?" Rodney snapped. "It's on the outside of the Jumper!"

"Okay, I get it!" Sheppard rolled his eyes in exasperation. "And from now on, no dog jokes OR ear jokes. And nothing about the hair, either!" he added hastily just as McKay opened his mouth to speak.

"If you're done…" Sam's irritated voice buzzed in his ear, "I think I know someone who can help us. Stay here."

There was a click as the connection closed, and all Rodney could manage was a confused, "What?"

The HUD sprang to life, showing a large blip moving quickly away from the Jumper. "Uh, Rodney? I think we just lost our whale." Letting out an aggrieved sigh, Sheppard started to turn the Jumper around. "That's it, we're going home."

"No!" Rodney put a hand on the controls, effectively stopping the Colonel in his tracks. "We have to stay here."

Sheppard looked baffled. "Why? Our equipment is shot, our whale has lost interest, we have no way to find the source of the sound, and I can hear your stomach growling from here. The view is _great_," Sheppard sarcastically added, motioning to the blackness outside, "but other than that, I really can't see why you would want to stick around any longer!"

Rodney was stuck on how to respond, so he answered with the first thing that popped into his head. "Will you just trust me?"

And there it was, the word he'd been dreading ever since Duranda. Sheppard just looked at him for a long time, quietly mulling over his response. Judging by the narrowing of his eyes and the way he cocked his head suspiciously, Rodney was sure his answer would be no, but then, slowly, Sheppard asked, "Rodney, you'd tell me if Atlantis were in some kind of trouble, right?"

"Absolutely," was McKay's immediate response.

Sheppard nodded then, and took his hands off of the controls. Leaning back in his chair, he propped up his feet and said breezily, "Okay, then we'll stay."

Rodney felt the corner of his mouth turn upwards in a surprised smile, and he settled back in his chair along with Sheppard, to wait.

oOo

About twenty minutes later, the HUD came on automatically, rousing McKay from a half-doze. He spied four life signs approaching, and slapped Sheppard in the leg, waking him with a snort.

"Hello," Sheppard greeted the blinking lights warily. "That's new."

The two men sat forward in their chairs, watching the dots as they drew closer and closer to the ship. One stopped several meters from the Jumper, but the other three continued their approach. "If I'm reading this thing correctly, they should be right in front of us. Can you see anything?" Sheppard asked.

McKay turned off the HUD and squinted into the water along with Sheppard, each of them inching closer to the windshield of the Jumper until their noses almost touched the glass. Unable to see anything in the murky, deep water, Rodney was about to answer in the negative when three glowing blobs blinked into existence like light bulbs and zoomed forward, hitting the glass right in front of his face with a rapid thud-thud-thud.

"Gah!" Both men yelped and fell back into their chairs. The life forms looked like the result of a freak high-speed collision between a jellyfish and an octopus, and Rodney could see the suckers where they had attached themselves to the glass. They were each glowing green, blue, and orange, respectively. As Rodney watched they began slowly crawling across the windshield until they disappeared around the edge of the Jumper.

"Well, that was…interesting," Sheppard remarked, nonplussed. "What were those things? Octojellies?"

"Stop channeling Ford. We can name them later." McKay rolled his eyes and began pressing buttons on his data pad, having just realized what side of the ship they had disappeared to. Calling up his diagnostic program, it beeped happily. "Ha! I knew it!"

"What?"

Rodney showed him the green flashing results of the diagnostic program. "They fixed it!"

Sheppard just looked at him in much the same way he had looked at the blobs, right after they crashed into the windshield. "You mean…those glowing octojelly things fixed the sensor?"

"I thought we agreed that was a terrible name."

"You're just jealous you didn't think of it first. And would you please explain to me how glowing jellyfish with suckers and tiny brains managed to locate and fix our sensor for _no apparent reason_?"

Rodney frowned. "Sheppard, I—"

"No! You know what, don't even bother with the excuses, McKay." Sheppard was kicking into full angry rant mode. "I said I'd trust you, but trust goes both ways. You've been acting weird all day, talking to yourself, going on this bizarre 'save the whales' quest, and you obviously know more about what's happening here than anyone else. So tell me, McKay, what the _hell_ is going on?"

"Oh, come off it, Sheppard. You know exactly what's going on." A decidedly female voice came from the back of the Jumper, and both men yelped in fright, turning to see Sam standing there in all her pink-uniform-attired glory.

She looked past them and raised her hand in a wave, calling, "Thanks guys, I owe you one. Now get home before dark, or your mother will have my hide." Turning, McKay saw the three glowing octojellies wave goodbye with their sucker-covered arms, then their lights faded as they turned themselves off, and they shot off into the navy blue waters. Sighing, Sam added, "They're so cute when they're that age. It's a shame they grow up to be giant squids."

Recovering himself enough to speak, but apparently not enough to form coherent sentences, Sheppard pointed to Sam, looked at McKay, and asked, "Is that…?"

"Colonel Carter?" McKay finished. "Not exactly…"

"Actually, I was going to ask if that's the alien whale in Carter's form, but—"

He blinked. Then blinked again. "Wait, you KNEW?" Rodney's shout filled the Jumper.

"Wow," Sheppard continued, oblivious to McKay's outburst. "She's a babe."

"Standing right here!" Sam added.

"How could you know?" Rodney continued, incredulous.

At Sheppard's guilty look, Sam answered for him. "He's known the whole time. He woke up that night I visited you in the infirmary. When my pod showed up today and you started running all over Atlantis trying to help me, he put two and two together."

McKay glared daggers at the Colonel. "'Trust goes both ways?'" He repeated Sheppard's words acidly.

"Look, maybe I just wanted you to tell me I wasn't crazy! I'd had some strange food that night, and I thought maybe it was just some weird alien-taco-induced dream."

"Of course," Rodney rolled his eyes. "The old 'alien-tacos-made-me-delusional' defense," he countered, liberally applying the air quotes.

Sam held up her hands. "Enough, you two! We've got bigger issues to deal with right now." She indicated the data pad beeping insistently in McKay's lap.

"We've got a signal," he announced proudly.

"Can you tell where it's coming from?" Sam asked, moving to stand by his chair.

Pressing a few more buttons, Rodney answered, "It looks like it's coming from somewhere around…here." He initiated the HUD once more, showing a bright red dot near the ocean floor on the coast of the mainland.

Sam bit her lip anxiously. "I don't know, Rodney. Are you sure you can make it there and back before dark?"

McKay glanced at Sheppard for confirmation, who looked out into the water as if calculating how much longer the lingering traces of daylight would last, and how much of that light would reach the Jumper at those depths. He almost missed the manic gleam in those eyes that was so typical of Sheppard's sense of adventure over-riding his "danger-dar." McKay refused to admit that he probably would see that same look in his own eyes if he had a mirror at the moment. "Oh, yeah," Sheppard replied confidently. "We'll be there and back in time for supper."

"We've already missed supper," McKay replied, his stomach adding a helpful growl.

"You know what I mean," Sheppard gave him a look and retrieved a Powerbar from his pocket, handing it to McKay.

Rodney took it with grateful, but narrowed, eyes. "I thought you said you didn't have any more left?" Sheppard didn't even bother to try looking innocent as he shrugged. Rodney mumbled past a mouthful of chocolate-chip Powerbar, "When we're done here, you and I need to have a little talk about 'trust.'" Sheppard just grinned and rolled his eyes, unfazed.

oOo

After several minutes' descent, Sam had started looking pale and complained of a headache. McKay told her to hang back and let them go on alone, and she predictably had refused.

"Look, we've got to be on the right track," McKay argued. "But it will only slow us down if we have deal with you while you're all green around the gills."

"Whales don't have gills, Rodney. And I feel fine," she retorted, loosing any sense of credibility when she swayed slightly and had to grab McKay's outstretched arm for support.

Taking the brunt of her weight as she leaned in to him, Rodney answered softly, "No, you're really not. Now just stay here. You're no good to us like this, and you're only hurting yourself."

"I don't understand!" Sam replied, groaning. "This shouldn't even be happening! Even if my body gets sick, my projection should still be okay."

Rodney's concern grew. "All the more reason for you to stay here. We still don't really know how this signal is affecting you."

Meeting his eyes, she reluctantly nodded. "All right, Rodney, just…be careful." With a fiendish grin only slightly hampered by her weakened state, she added, "And Godspeed!"

McKay rolled his eyes as she dissolved into thin air, silently wishing he didn't have such a thing for sarcastic blonds.

A few minutes later, he was also wishing he didn't have such a directionally challenged pilot.

"You're bearing too far right! Turn back."

"I am not! Look at the screen, McKay."

"I _am_ looking at the screen, and you're too far right!"

"Fine, have it your way," Sheppard turned the Jumper left. "Better now?"

McKay paused for a second as he studied the screen and calculated their new bearing, then cleared his throat self consciously. "Actually, I, uh…Now you're too far left. Turn back to the right."

Sheppard rolled his eyes and did as instructed, barely withholding the "I told you so" threatening to burst out. Instead, he chose to ask, "How much further, McKay?"

"Not too much further now. We're almost to the caves."

Sheppard's eyebrows shot up, even if his voice sounded a little too calm. "Caves?"

"Yes, the caves. Didn't I mention the caves?"

"No, McKay, you seem to have left that part out. How exactly am I supposed to pilot the Jumper through a network of caves?" No sooner had the words left his mouth than the HUD brought up a complete map of the cave system, with the best routes highlighted in green. Sheppard beamed, "I love this thing."

"Yes, yes, we can set a date for the wedding later. Right now, just pick a route and go."

After several minutes of navigating deep into the tunnels, the HUD showed a brief blinking life sign just in front of them, but it vanished as quickly as it had appeared. Rodney and Sheppard both stared at the screen, hoping the blip would rematerialize, but it never did. "Huh," he finally said, unable to express his confusion more eloquently.

"Malfunction?" Sheppard offered hopefully.

McKay just shot him a withering stare. "It's a finely tuned piece of technology built by an advanced race of uber-geniuses."

"I take it that's a no," Sheppard replied. "And aren't you usually the one pointing out that the Ancients obviously aren't all they're cracked up to be, seeing as how they got beat by the Wraith and all?"

McKay's biting rejoinder was cut short as the life signs detector beeped again, showing that whatever was out there, it looked like it was right on top of them. While their eyes were still locked on the HUD, something brushed past the side of the Jumper. They both froze as the slow scraping noise went on forever, gently rocking their tiny ship. When it had finally passed, Rodney released the breath he didn't even know he'd been holding. "So," Sheppard said quietly, "not a malfunction." As if in answer, the life sign blipped again, showing that the creature was behind them now. "What do you think, McKay? Another whale?"

Rodney shook his head numbly. "I don't think so. It sounded…bigger."

The blip appeared again briefly, this time farther away from the ship. "Well, whatever it is, it's moving away from us. I think we're in the clear." He began moving forward again, slowly and cautiously, into the black of the cave.

"Sheppard, what if there are more of those things down here?" Rodney began, gazing into the dark water as if he could distinguish their shape.

"I don't think so. I'm guessing that guy's at the top of the food chain around here, and I doubt he wants to share his territory."

Sadly, that thought only sent McKay's over-active imagination spiraling in new directions of panic, and he locked wide eyes on Sheppard. "But what if he's _not_ the top of the food chain? There could be something bigger down here, and we wouldn't even see it coming! The tunnels could be creating some sort of interference, blocking them from our sensors! It would explain the sporadic life sign readings."

"Just try to relax, Rodney. I'm sure the gigantic scary sea monster is just as scared of you as you are of it."

"Thank you, that's very comforting," McKay replied, sarcasm heavy. Just then, Sheppard leaned forward slightly in his seat, as if spying something.

"Hey, what's that?" Sheppard peered out the front of the Jumper.

Rodney snapped his eyes to the front window, expecting to see another giant sea monster headed their way. Instead, he was struck dumb, and his jaw immediately dropped in awe. "Oh my god," he breathed.

"Exactly," Sheppard agreed with a similar expression.

There before them, lit up like a Christmas tree, was a small domed structure. There was a tall spire attached to it on one side, and several circular docking ports near the base, perfectly designed to accommodate the back hatch of a puddlejumper. "Is that what I think it is?" Sheppard asked.

"I hope so, or Mensa can claim the dumbest genius in two galaxies."

Sheppard's face beamed. "It's an Ancient outpost."

"That's not all," Rodney added with a matching smile, "It's also the source of the signal."

oOo

A/N: Isn't foreshadowing fun? I know, I know, evil cliffhanger, but I'll do my best not to leave you hanging for long. ;)


End file.
